Letters to Myself: Entry Fifty-Six
Prompt: When did suffering become a turning point for you?
A reflection on the idea of suffering; how one needs to look at suffering as a learning lesson. Suffering will happen to us but it is how we respond is what truly matters.
Suffering became a turning point in my life when I recognized it as something that benefits us and not detracts us from the progress. We tend to look at the suffering that takes place in our lives as something that holds in one position; as if, when we are about to, or at least can see the suffering incoming, we lock ourselves up because we are unsure what to do. Speaking from experience, it is one of the most gut-wrenching things one will go through. However, the important thing here is to see it as something that only makes you grow and change to live a more meaningful life; suffering comes with the territory of life and one would be naive not to expect the hardships that will inevitably come our way.
We are human, this is a matter of fact. It’s pragmatic to see this; see the practical sense of your reality around you instead of the screen in front of you. Screens have destroyed all of our senses to have a normal and human life; as if, the theater show that is this life, is giving us more and more method actors that we are not wanting to see; but the digital landscape has morphed our brains into a position where we are emoting more and more often since there are events happening in the world that piss us off, that make us squirm since it doesn’t line up with moral objectives, that our uneducated minds don’t allow us to give the patience and grace for those around us going through their own troubles. Not seeing that the bigger whole around us is the thing we should be contributing to.
What I find disheartening is that, while I was suffering during times where I froze, it was as if I was not in control of my mind and body; it was disconnected from each other and that was the more scary reality that I had to focus or hone in on to regain my life again. Suffering is a good thing, and one of the hardest things one will go through when the suffering is happening, however, the benefits you receive from it will be just as special. It wakes you up, it activates the right side of your brain; using both parts of the brain will give you a chance to breathe again.
As part of my website, I have a blog post talking about my story in the hospital, and one the things I remember during that time, I had never really had a chance to read a book. And since they took away everything from me, all I had was the library the hospital had. I was reading books on positive outlooks during moments of crisis. It was incredible because I sat with an author who was talking about how to look outward and move forward. I sat there for hours digesting the rich thoughts and words that this author could give someone in a moment of suffering.
People love to judge others for their suffering, saying it is nothing and or to get over it. However, it is a naive notion to think as well. Suffering comes in all forms and shapes; whether you are going through your first breakup, whether you are going through a financial crisis (which I know many are right now as of this writing), the loss of an occupation, the death of a family member, a health diagnosis, battling internal voices telling you to find your grave rather than to keep going, or even your fingers hurt because you are practicing an instrument; these are just minor examples of human suffering, but the list could go on and on. When one sees these events, and how even these specific moments as listed above, are even more acutely detailed for the human suffering through it; it is beyond importance to show them respect and grace while they endure that awful storm.
This teaches us the patience and morbid reality we are living in each day. However, the light comes from the reality check and wake up call after the suffering has taken place; to debrief on such experiences gives you a chance to move forward with more clarity on how you are going to handle situations. Suffering has also changed a matter as well; I think people are not as patient with those events and are looking for an instant answer, which is what leads to more and more suffering, instead of breaking the cycle and learning from the situation. Suffering does not always have an answer; it is painfully ambiguous.
Our brains are hardwired to see someone go through the worst and unimaginable kind of suffering right in front of our eyes. We look at the news, we look at what others are looking at on their phones; the silos are real, as suffering is happening right now with a loneliness mindset in this digital age; but suffering will always be a human condition that no one can run from. One has to wake up from this “poor me” mentality; as I had to learn the hard way, speaking from experience. I pissed off many people in those moments, and that is part of the suffering as well that I had to realize. People will dislike one even when they are suffering; it is important to deflect those noises and remember that people do not know any better when they speak much hatred.
One can recognize that suffering and failure is the one thing that drives us to get better. When we fail, we find new ways and get creative on the next try, whatever that try might be. And when we see someone going through suffering, offer help and assistance, even if there is temptation and a seductive nature to that person; they don’t know any better when the brain is not connected with themselves. Suffering is a good thing; it’s what separates us from the machines and no one can take that experience from you. As after those moments, you have experience to move forward, to even look at your enemies in the eyes and show them the respect they deserve.
Don’t be afraid of the moments to come; prepare yourself and gain experience so you can help yourself, along with others in the process. In the end, the notion, “it will be okay,” is one of the most powerful statements you can utter to yourself. Be courageous for yourself always, especially in times of suffering.
This post is part of my "Letters to Myself" series — a weekly free-write blog where I explore personal growth, curiosity, and healing through simple prompts. Sometimes reflective, sometimes fun, but always real. Thank you for being here.
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Photo by Kyle Gare
