Letters to Myself: Entry Sixty-One
Prompt: Looking back five years, what changed in me that I didn't even notice happening at the time?
“Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.”
- Arthur Schopenhauer
A reflection based on the idea of looking back over the course of 5 years, seeing the changes we have made naturally and deliberately to better our lives or even recognize the negatives we were doing, and how we have a chance to make a change today.
*NOTE: As one can tell, I am going to start adding quotes in this series! I want to show this because I believe quotes are a beautiful thing to take in as a reflective piece. Something small enough to carry with them their whole lives. And starting this week, I want to pull a quote, and then morph a reflective question. So let’s dive in!
The last five years have been a journey to say the least, at least based on reflection and writing out the ideas and thoughts I carried with me during those times. And what I find interesting is that this quote, and even question, is that sometimes we change naturally over the course of the years; as the years morph us into the people we are meant to be. Sometimes the notion, “things happen for a reason,” is something I think about when I reflect on the years I have been surviving. When one starts to notice the connections across the years, things do become clear; that this life is not meant to be lived in one spot. We are not meant to live in a static position; much like how this series I am constantly changing and wanting to morph it into something I am proud of. As if it is part of the natural order that we are all walking through day-by-day.
And from Arthur’s quote, it is true, when one is going through those years of change, there is much solitary confinement we naturally endure. Sometimes we love it, sometimes we hate it; that’s the whole part of being human in this regard. And much of this growth was just realizing that we are growing older; and I know I bring it up quite a bit in this series, but Memento Mori, remember that you will die. This notion finally became clear for me during that time; and that was one of the major changes that I might have come to naturally, but also, it was aware too. As if the self-awareness kicked in to show you the maturity you were needing. And to be honest, I think once one finally realizes their mortality, it changes you naturally, both consciously and subconsciously. Whether you start to live each day more intently, or maybe realizing and sitting with it for a while; there is no wrong answer to approach it, but that is simply fact. The sentiment makes one reflective immediately; that is what death does for us humans, it makes us reflect and see the beauty and sorrow of our lives.
Realizing death for myself, it started to bring me a sense of living more intently. As we should be approaching it; and once one realizes this, it will happen. It will happen to one and to those around that person. That is simply the truth, whether we like it or not; so why not make the most of the life we are living in right now? Approach others with kindness and compassion; not letting the articles and headlines scare us into believing that we should not live a life more virtuously. If anything, it should drive you more to be active and show others with that mindset. That attitude seems to be dimming by the day, at least based on the observations I have been witnessing around me.
And reflecting back on the few years of change, and subconscious changes that happened naturally, I think the major takeaway for me was stepping away from the screens as well. The knowledge we have access to and the amounts of content we have access to is amazing; but at what cost? Much like the balance of the natural order, when we have too much of something, that is where the worse comes out. We become greedy for more and more, and when one finally sees the complex nature of what devices are doing to our society; causing more division than innovation, one can start to wonder, is this going to be the remainder of our lives? Is this going to be the same thing day in and day out? Only if we choose so.
One can live a life beyond the digital landscape, in fact, I would even go as far as to say, it should be done. The change that I really associate with the last couple of years is the build up of self-discipline in myself. I have been able to make great habits stick which has helped me enter a new era of my life. And each day we live, the more changes one can make, it should be for the better; whether that reducing screen time and focusing on the people you truly care about. That being virtuous is a great mindset in a dark and depressing world where things seem to be unsettling everywhere we look. People are traumatized, people don’t like being recorded in every direction, but yet it is necessary to keep people accountable. See the pattern?
We don’t have change over these events, we don’t have agency over people, only over ourselves. No one, and I repeat, no one has control over you if you allow them not to have that. Look at ancient past; people were slaves, people were tortured as prisoners of war, people experienced terrible plagues but still somehow survived. This is because they made those changes in their years. That they were always looking out for the fellow neighbor, looking out for the people around them, being unselfish because they knew they were in complete control of who they were. And being in control of who you are makes you realize the deliberate changes you want to make and the changes you are making naturally as well. Take agency back into your control and stop letting the influences of the digital landscape get to oneself. We should be treating it like a vice. And we all are addicted to something, that goes without saying, but at what level of severity and demise is it causing us?
The science and history around reading books and other positive benefitting habits that we can lean into and morph into our own, however, some of us just choose not to. And speaking from experience over the course of those years, I was not doing those things. I had to make deliberate changes to make my life better, and overall, more healthy. And did I push people away when I was making those changes, sometimes that is the natural thing to do. As Epictetus states, “if a situation does not suit you, just leave.” It sounds so simple, but it can be just as emotional and taxing to go through. I started making deliberate changes and things naturally started to happen. I began to start observing people in a digital age; and truly, it is a damaging sight to witness. It’s blocking us from living a fun and courageous life filled with curiosity and the true innovation that our history’s past was trying to show us.
Over the past 5 years, I have experienced quite a bit, and had to make changes in the quietness and solitude, when no one was looking. And that is simply the best time to start; to not be afraid of the downfall of people who are going to treat you negatively that who you thought were friends. That will just be a moment of realization that those people don’t support you in the chapter you are in now. And that’s perfectly okay to recognize, even grieve over. But simply put, take that first step again and begin the life you have always wanted to have. Don’t be afraid of the downfall of things you might care about; sometimes in life, naturally things happen, including the people you think are your friends. You always have to keep your self-control intact knowing that your friends have their own lives too. You are not in control of them and don’t need to know everything about them.
And to wrap this reflection, acceptance became clear for me as I am moving into the older years of my life. Things happen, we have to get used to it, it is how you respond that is the most important. Stoicism has taught me to never have an opinion over anything, recognize it and accept whatever that might be instead of always pushing back. Be courageous, of course, but sometimes you have to accept whatever avenue life has provided you and go through the potholes, the detours, the long drives that will shape us to be better people. When we take those longer routes, we become better and more patient, more gracious with the things we have and the people we have in our lives. Reflect on the years you have been growing, show yourself grace and do the same for others. It might be one of the most important elements of the natural order; don’t reject it or go against it, it will only cause more harm than optimism.
Main idea: Reflect on the years and the changes you have made and the changes that came naturally. See the patterns and see what is happening and where you are going.
This post is part of my "Letters to Myself" series — a weekly free-write blog where I explore personal growth, curiosity, and healing through simple prompts. Sometimes reflective, sometimes fun, but always real. Thank you for being here.
References:
Photo by Kyle Gare
Arthur Schopenhauer, 19th century German philosopher
Epictetus, Discourses
