Letters to Myself: Entry Twenty
Prompt: Why do we cling to certain memories even when they hurt us?
We’ve all had memories that linger. Moments that replay in our minds long after they’ve passed. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they teach, and sometimes they do both. As I’ve been learning more about how trauma and memory shape us, I’ve started to see that holding onto the past doesn’t always mean we’re stuck there. It can also mean we’re learning from it, piece by piece.
Answer to the prompt:
I think it’s because, in many ways, we’re always carrying small pieces of trauma. When an experience doesn’t meet our expectations, when life delivers an outcome we didn’t want or weren’t prepared for, it leaves a mark. That mark becomes a memory, one we may replay over and over, trying to make sense of it.
Lately, I’ve been reading The Body Keeps the Score, and it’s opened my eyes to how our minds and bodies literally hold onto these events. PTSD, for instance, is a diagnosis that only became official in 1980, which means we’re still learning how deeply experiences live within us. Even small triggers can bring back a flood of emotions or sensations that remind us of a moment we’d rather forget.
But here’s what I’ve come to realize: those memories don’t just haunt us, they also teach us. They show us what we’ve survived, what we’ve learned to endure, and how we’ve grown stronger because of it. Yes, they can exhaust us, but they can also empower us. Each memory holds a story of survival, even if it once brought us to our knees.
Life is worth living for the people who care about us, and for the simple, peaceful moments that remind us why we keep going. The world offers both pain and beauty; it’s up to us to recognize that both exist in balance. For every dark memory, there’s a moment of calm waiting somewhere. Maybe in a conversation, a walk outdoors, or a sunrise that makes you pause and breathe again.
Our bad memories don’t define us; they shape us. They remind us how far we’ve come, and they humble us when life feels easy again. Making new memories, ones filled with purpose, connection, and joy, is how we clear the clutter from the mind and open space for what’s next.
To learn is to fail. To become better, we have to lose sometimes.
Not everything in life is a win, but every memory, whether good or bad, can become part of the larger collection that defines who you are.
Keep making the ones that remind you how strong, resilient, and deeply human you truly are.
This post is part of my "Letters to Myself" series — a weekly free-write blog where I explore personal growth, curiosity, and healing through simple prompts. Sometimes reflective, sometimes fun, but always real. Thank you for being here.
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Photo by Kyle Gare
