Letters to Myself: Entry Twenty-One
Prompt: What Emotion Has Been the Loudest Lately?
Sometimes emotions can feel louder than the noise of the world around us. They echo, hum, and linger until we finally pay attention. Lately, I’ve been sitting with one in particular, grief, and learning that even the heaviest emotions can teach us something if we let them. This reflection is about that quiet kind of grief, the numbness that follows, and the small moments of hope that still manage to break through.
Answer to the prompt:
Lately, the loudest emotion in my life has been grief, a constant, quiet sort of grieving. It’s not always loud or overwhelming, sometimes it just lingers in the background like static. I’d also describe it as mellow, maybe even numb. There are days where I just feel detached, like I’m trying to keep up with everything but my emotions keep slipping out of reach.
I think part of it comes from taking in too much. Too much reading, too much reflecting, too much feeling. I try to balance it all out, but the truth is, I’ve grown almost comfortable in the sorrow. It’s strange, but there’s something familiar about it. Maybe it’s because it feels honest. Still, it’s easy to lose yourself when you linger too long in that space.
Lately, my mindset has been, “it is what it is.” Life goes on, disappointments happen, and the world keeps moving forward whether we’re ready or not. But even in that truth, I’ve realized how important it is to stay hopeful. Because without hope, numbness takes over and that’s one of the hardest feelings to live with.
A lot of trauma survivors and people battling depression know that state too well. The constant dull ache of feeling nothing. But I’ve been learning that even amid all that, there’s still so much good around us. There are people who care, things that bring us joy, and small moments that remind us we’re alive. You just have to find what keeps you going. Whether that’s reading, gaming, spending time with friends, or simply stepping outside for a breath of air.
That’s the secret, I think. Just finding something to stick with. Something that keeps you moving forward through all the noise. Because even though this depressive weight hangs heavy at times, I’ve started to see it differently. I’ve started to see it as a teacher. These feelings, as heavy as they are, are how I learn, how I grow, how I find new ways of living and connecting with people.
At the end of the day, I want to appreciate what I already have. The good people, the small wins, the peace in between. Life is messy, and that’s okay. The best we can do is be kind to ourselves and to those around us. Smile when we can. Stay hopeful when it’s hardest.
So yeah, the emotions have been loud, but they’ve also been quiet in their own way. And maybe that’s balance. It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s also okay to push yourself toward small moments of happiness, even if you have to fake it at first. Because if you stay in grief too long, you risk forgetting what joy feels like.
And as for me? I’ll be okay. I just need to figure out my next move and in the meantime, I’ll let myself just be. A little sad, a little hopeful, and for now…just chill.
This post is part of my "Letters to Myself" series — a weekly free-write blog where I explore personal growth, curiosity, and healing through simple prompts. Sometimes reflective, sometimes fun, but always real. Thank you for being here.
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Photo by Kyle Gare
