The Practice of Hearing Someone’s Story: Why Being Seen Can Save Us
“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”
David Augsburger
Imagine This
You’re out with friends. Everyone’s having a great time, and you finally get to be yourself — smart, goofy, relaxed. Then a few mutual friends join, people you’ve never met. You might recognize them from social media, but not much more. And that question starts forming in your mind:
Who are they? Where are they from? What’s their story?
It’s as simple as that. We all crave to be heard and seen. Our stories shape us, define where we are, and often explain how we got here. So I asked them, flat out:
“What’s your story?”
They were a little surprised by the question, but sometimes, shifting the flow of a conversation is exactly what someone needs to feel seen. Instead of fading into the background, they were offered a stage.
When People Feel Safe, They Speak
And they told me their stories.
One woman had recently ended an engagement. Not out of drama, but because she never felt truly connected to the person she was going to marry. Another was recently divorced, finally free from an abusive relationship. For the first time in years, she was living again. Laughing with friends. Just being.
It’s amazing how willing people are to share the vulnerable parts of their life. When they feel safe, respected and truly heard. That moment wasn’t about me. It was about giving them a stage, and then sitting in the audience. Quietly. Openly. Without judgment.
Why We Need to Feel Seen
It’s easy to talk about this from personal experience, but this isn’t just emotional fluff. It’s grounded in psychology and research.
Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on connection and vulnerability, famously said:
Image of Dr. Brené Brown during her TED Talk discussion.
“Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
“When we stop caring what people think, we lose our capacity for connection… Vulnerability is not weakness.”
When we share our stories, we invite others into our lives. Even when it’s something as small as a rough day at work or a story about our kid’s first steps. We’re trying to be seen, to connect, to be met with presence.
Carl Rogers, a legendary psychologist, coined the concept of unconditional positive regard, a posture of deep acceptance, empathy and authenticity in relationships. His belief?
“When someone really hears you… it feels damn good. It is astonishing how elements which seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens.”
Image of Carl Rogers.
Those words ring true: when we’re heard, we feel real. We feel loved.
The Sacred Practice of Listening
We’re wired to talk. That’s how we express, validate, and connect. But listening — real, intentional listening — is a sacred act.
It’s more than hearing someone’s voice. It’s hearing their meaning. Their pain. Their heart. It’s sitting across from someone and choosing not to fix, judge, or compare, but to just be with them.
So I dare you: Find someone, whether that is a friend, a stranger, a sibling and ask:
“How are you really doing? How are you feeling right now as we speak?”
Then shut up. And listen.
You may be surprised at what unfolds.
What I’ve Learned from Other People’s Stories
I’ve been gifted some extraordinary stories simply because I was willing to listen.
Like the elderly man I met while working at a senior home in college. He told me about flying fighter planes in World War II, starting a business, building a family and eventually moving to Minnesota from Florida. Watching him relive his life through memory, voice and eyes, it was like stepping through time. I saw him become young again in the telling.
Or my best friend, who came out to me as trans. She told me how she never felt like herself growing up, how the weight of her unspoken truth nearly killed her. She trusted me with that story and I kept it. For a year, I said nothing to anyone. Including friends who are close with us. It was her truth to tell.
That story brought us even closer. It deepened our friendship. We had always listened to each other. But now? We saw each other.
Give Someone the Stage
Listening can change a life.
We don’t always need to fix people. But we do need to see them.
The next time someone opens up to you, no matter how briefly, let them know you’re there. Listen to their pain. Their joy. Their confusion. Ask questions. Let the story take up space.
And if you want to start small, ask the people you already know. Ask your friend. Your mom. Your coworker. Reconnect. Because we have things happen to us everyday. We all have a daily story to tell. Yes, even if it is boring.
But then, ask a stranger.
“What’s your story?”
Let them speak. And watch what happens. You will be surprised what it will lead too.
A Night, A Story, A Small Spark of Healing
Remember the night I mentioned at the beginning? When we were all heading out, one of the women I had spoken to turned to some friends I was with and said:
“This was one of the best nights I’ve had in a while.”
She’d been going out more often since her divorce. Trying to feel alive again. Maybe it was the vibe. Maybe the people. Or maybe it was the chance to be seen.
Maybe it was all of it.
So I’ll end here with this:
Give someone the stage. They might find the courage to keep going.
In a disconnected world, listening might just be the most radical form of love we have left.
- Kyle
Sources & References
Brené Brown
Author of Daring Greatly
Researcher on connection, vulnerability, and shame resilience
Learn more: brenebrown.com
TED Talk: The Power of Vulnerability
Carl Rogers
Author of On Becoming a Person
Pioneer of person-centered therapy and unconditional positive regard
Biography: Carl Rogers on Wikipedia
David Augsburger
Pastoral counselor and author
Quote referenced:
Header Image by Negley Stockman via Unsplash
Brené Brown image courtesy of TED (ted.com)
Carl Rogers image via Wikipedia
